| CHAPTER VI The next day commenced as before , getting up and dressing by rushlight ; but this morning we were obliged to dispense with the ceremony of washing ; the water in the pitchers was frozen . A change had taken place in the weather the preceding evening , and a keen north-east wind , whistling through the crevices of our bedroom windows all night long , had made us shiver in our beds , and turned the contents of the ewers to ice . Before the long hour and a half of prayers and Bible-reading was over , I felt ready to perish with cold . Breakfast-time came at last , and this morning the porridge was not burnt ; the quality was eatable , the quantity small . How small my portion seemed ! I wished it had been doubled . In the course of the day I was enrolled a member of the fourth class , and regular tasks and occupations were assigned me : hitherto , I had only been a spectator of the proceedings at Lowood ; I was now to become an actor therein . At first , being little accustomed to learn by heart , the lessons appeared to me both long and difficult ; the frequent change from task to task , too , bewildered me ; and I was glad when , about three o'clock in the afternoon , Miss Smith put into my hands a border of muslin two yards long , together with needle , thimble , &c . , and sent me to sit in a quiet corner of the schoolroom , with directions to hem the same . At that hour most of the others were sewing likewise ; but one class still stood round Miss Scatcherd 's chair reading , and as all was quiet , the subject of their lessons could be heard , together with the manner in which each girl acquitted herself , and the animadversions or commendations of Miss Scatcherd on the performance . It was English history : among the readers I observed my acquaintance of the verandah : at the commencement of the lesson , her place had been at the top of the class , but for some error of pronunciation , or some inattention to stops , she was suddenly sent to the very bottom . Even in that obscure position , Miss Scatcherd continued to make her an object of constant notice : she was continually addressing to her such phrases as the following : -- " Burns " ( such it seems was her name : the girls here were all called by their surnames , as boys are elsewhere ) , " Burns , you are standing on the side of your shoe ; turn your toes out immediately . " " Burns , you poke your chin most unpleasantly ; draw it in . " " Burns , I insist on your holding your head up ; I will not have you before me in that attitude , " &c . &c . A chapter having been read through twice , the books were closed and the girls examined . The lesson had comprised part of the reign of Charles I. , and there were sundry questions about tonnage and poundage and ship- money , which most of them appeared unable to answer ; still , every little difficulty was solved instantly when it reached Burns : her memory seemed to have retained the substance of the whole lesson , and she was ready with answers on every point . I kept expecting that Miss Scatcherd would praise her attention ; but , instead of that , she suddenly cried out-- " You dirty , disagreeable girl ! you have never cleaned your nails this morning ! " Burns made no answer : I wondered at her silence . " Why , " thought I , " does she not explain that she could neither clean her nails nor wash her face , as the water was frozen ? " My attention was now called off by Miss Smith desiring me to hold a skein of thread : while she was winding it , she talked to me from time to time , asking whether I had ever been at school before , whether I could mark , stitch , knit , &c . ; till she dismissed me , I could not pursue my observations on Miss Scatcherd 's movements . When I returned to my seat , that lady was just delivering an order of which I did not catch the import ; but Burns immediately left the class , and going into the small inner room where the books were kept , returned in half a minute , carrying in her hand a bundle of twigs tied together at one end . This ominous tool she presented to Miss Scatcherd with a respectful curtesy ; then she quietly , and without being told , unloosed her pinafore , and the teacher instantly and sharply inflicted on her neck a dozen strokes with the bunch of twigs . Not a tear rose to Burns ' eye ; and , while I paused from my sewing , because my fingers quivered at this spectacle with a sentiment of unavailing and impotent anger , not a feature of her pensive face altered its ordinary expression . " Hardened girl ! " exclaimed Miss Scatcherd ; " nothing can correct you of your slatternly habits : carry the rod away . " Burns obeyed : I looked at her narrowly as she emerged from the book-closet ; she was just putting back her handkerchief into her pocket , and the trace of a tear glistened on her thin cheek . The play-hour in the evening I thought the pleasantest fraction of the day at Lowood : the bit of bread , the draught of coffee swallowed at five o'clock had revived vitality , if it had not satisfied hunger : the long restraint of the day was slackened ; the schoolroom felt warmer than in the morning--its fires being allowed to burn a little more brightly , to supply , in some measure , the place of candles , not yet introduced : the ruddy gloaming , the licensed uproar , the confusion of many voices gave one a welcome sense of liberty . On the evening of the day on which I had seen Miss Scatcherd flog her pupil , Burns , I wandered as usual among the forms and tables and laughing groups without a companion , yet not feeling lonely : when I passed the windows , I now and then lifted a blind , and looked out ; it snowed fast , a drift was already forming against the lower panes ; putting my ear close to the window , I could distinguish from the gleeful tumult within , the disconsolate moan of the wind outside . Probably , if I had lately left a good home and kind parents , this would have been the hour when I should most keenly have regretted the separation ; that wind would then have saddened my heart ; this obscure chaos would have disturbed my peace ! as it was , I derived from both a strange excitement , and reckless and feverish , I wished the wind to howl more wildly , the gloom to deepen to darkness , and the confusion to rise to clamour . Jumping over forms , and creeping under tables , I made my way to one of the fire-places ; there , kneeling by the high wire fender , I found Burns , absorbed , silent , abstracted from all round her by the companionship of a book , which she read by the dim glare of the embers . " Is it still 'Rasselas ' ? " I asked , coming behind her . " Yes , " she said , " and I have just finished it . " And in five minutes more she shut it up . I was glad of this . " Now , " thought I , " I can perhaps get her to talk . " I sat down by her on the floor . " What is your name besides Burns ? " " Helen . " " Do you come a long way from here ? " " I come from a place farther north , quite on the borders of Scotland . " " Will you ever go back ? " " I hope so ; but nobody can be sure of the future . " " You must wish to leave Lowood ? " " No ! why should I ? I was sent to Lowood to get an education ; and it would be of no use going away until I have attained that object . " " But that teacher , Miss Scatcherd , is so cruel to you ? " " Cruel ? Not at all ! She is severe : she dislikes my faults . " " And if I were in your place I should dislike her ; I should resist her . If she struck me with that rod , I should get it from her hand ; I should break it under her nose . " " Probably you would do nothing of the sort : but if you did , Mr. Brocklehurst would expel you from the school ; that would be a great grief to your relations . It is far better to endure patiently a smart which nobody feels but yourself , than to commit a hasty action whose evil consequences will extend to all connected with you ; and besides , the Bible bids us return good for evil . " " But then it seems disgraceful to be flogged , and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people ; and you are such a great girl : I am far younger than you , and I could not bear it . " " Yet it would be your duty to bear it , if you could not avoid it : it is weak and silly to say you _cannot bear_ what it is your fate to be required to bear . " I heard her with wonder : I could not comprehend this doctrine of endurance ; and still less could I understand or sympathise with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser . Still I felt that Helen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes . I suspected she might be right and I wrong ; but I would not ponder the matter deeply ; like Felix , I put it off to a more convenient season . " You say you have faults , Helen : what are they ? To me you seem very good . " " Then learn from me , not to judge by appearances : I am , as Miss Scatcherd said , slatternly ; I seldom put , and never keep , things , in order ; I am careless ; I forget rules ; I read when I should learn my lessons ; I have no method ; and sometimes I say , like you , I cannot _bear_ to be subjected to systematic arrangements . This is all very provoking to Miss Scatcherd , who is naturally neat , punctual , and particular . " " And cross and cruel , " I added ; but Helen Burns would not admit my addition : she kept silence . " Is Miss Temple as severe to you as Miss Scatcherd ? " At the utterance of Miss Temple 's name , a soft smile flitted over her grave face . " Miss Temple is full of goodness ; it pains her to be severe to any one , even the worst in the school : she sees my errors , and tells me of them gently ; and , if I do anything worthy of praise , she gives me my meed liberally . One strong proof of my wretchedly defective nature is , that even her expostulations , so mild , so rational , have not influence to cure me of my faults ; and even her praise , though I value it most highly , cannot stimulate me to continued care and foresight . " " That is curious , " said I , " it is so easy to be careful . " " For _you_ I have no doubt it is . I observed you in your class this morning , and saw you were closely attentive : your thoughts never seemed to wander while Miss Miller explained the lesson and questioned you . Now , mine continually rove away ; when I should be listening to Miss Scatcherd , and collecting all she says with assiduity , often I lose the very sound of her voice ; I fall into a sort of dream . Sometimes I think I am in Northumberland , and that the noises I hear round me are the bubbling of a little brook which runs through Deepden , near our house ; --then , when it comes to my turn to reply , I have to be awakened ; and having heard nothing of what was read for listening to the visionary brook , I have no answer ready . " " Yet how well you replied this afternoon . " " It was mere chance ; the subject on which we had been reading had interested me . This afternoon , instead of dreaming of Deepden , I was wondering how a man who wished to do right could act so unjustly and unwisely as Charles the First sometimes did ; and I thought what a pity it was that , with his integrity and conscientiousness , he could see no farther than the prerogatives of the crown . If he had but been able to look to a distance , and see how what they call the spirit of the age was tending ! Still , I like Charles--I respect him--I pity him , poor murdered king ! Yes , his enemies were the worst : they shed blood they had no right to shed . How dared they kill him ! " Helen was talking to herself now : she had forgotten I could not very well understand her--that I was ignorant , or nearly so , of the subject she discussed . I recalled her to my level . " And when Miss Temple teaches you , do your thoughts wander then ? " " No , certainly , not often ; because Miss Temple has generally something to say which is newer than my own reflections ; her language is singularly agreeable to me , and the information she communicates is often just what I wished to gain . " " Well , then , with Miss Temple you are good ? " " Yes , in a passive way : I make no effort ; I follow as inclination guides me . There is no merit in such goodness . " " A great deal : you are good to those who are good to you . It is all I ever desire to be . If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust , the wicked people would have it all their own way : they would never feel afraid , and so they would never alter , but would grow worse and worse . When we are struck at without a reason , we should strike back again very hard ; I am sure we should--so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again . " " You will change your mind , I hope , when you grow older : as yet you are but a little untaught girl . " " But I feel this , Helen ; I must dislike those who , whatever I do to please them , persist in disliking me ; I must resist those who punish me unjustly . It is as natural as that I should love those who show me affection , or submit to punishment when I feel it is deserved . " " Heathens and savage tribes hold that doctrine , but Christians and civilised nations disown it . " " How ? I do n't understand . " " It is not violence that best overcomes hate--nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury . " " What then ? " " Read the New Testament , and observe what Christ says , and how He acts ; make His word your rule , and His conduct your example . " " What does He say ? " " Love your enemies ; bless them that curse you ; do good to them that hate you and despitefully use you . " " Then I should love Mrs. Reed , which I cannot do ; I should bless her son John , which is impossible . " In her turn , Helen Burns asked me to explain , and I proceeded forthwith to pour out , in my own way , the tale of my sufferings and resentments . Bitter and truculent when excited , I spoke as I felt , without reserve or softening . Helen heard me patiently to the end : I expected she would then make a remark , but she said nothing . " Well , " I asked impatiently , " is not Mrs. Reed a hard-hearted , bad woman ? " " She has been unkind to you , no doubt ; because you see , she dislikes your cast of character , as Miss Scatcherd does mine ; but how minutely you remember all she has done and said to you ! What a singularly deep impression her injustice seems to have made on your heart ! No ill-usage so brands its record on my feelings . Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity , together with the passionate emotions it excited ? Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs . We are , and must be , one and all , burdened with faults in this world : but the time will soon come when , I trust , we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies ; when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh , and only the spark of the spirit will remain , --the impalpable principle of light and thought , pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature : whence it came it will return ; perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than man--perhaps to pass through gradations of glory , from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph ! Surely it will never , on the contrary , be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend ? No ; I cannot believe that : I hold another creed : which no one ever taught me , and which I seldom mention ; but in which I delight , and to which I cling : for it extends hope to all : it makes Eternity a rest--a mighty home , not a terror and an abyss . Besides , with this creed , I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime ; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last : with this creed revenge never worries my heart , degradation never too deeply disgusts me , injustice never crushes me too low : I live in calm , looking to the end . " Helen 's head , always drooping , sank a little lower as she finished this sentence . I saw by her look she wished no longer to talk to me , but rather to converse with her own thoughts . She was not allowed much time for meditation : a monitor , a great rough girl , presently came up , exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent-- " Helen Burns , if you do n't go and put your drawer in order , and fold up your work this minute , I 'll tell Miss Scatcherd to come and look at it ! " Helen sighed as her reverie fled , and getting up , obeyed the monitor without reply as without delay . |