| Chapter 18 The next day he did not leave the house , and , indeed , spent most of the time in his own room , sick with a wild terror of dying , and yet indifferent to life itself . The consciousness of being hunted , snared , tracked down , had begun to dominate him . If the tapestry did but tremble in the wind , he shook . The dead leaves that were blown against the leaded panes seemed to him like his own wasted resolutions and wild regrets . When he closed his eyes , he saw again the sailor 's face peering through the mist-stained glass , and horror seemed once more to lay its hand upon his heart . But perhaps it had been only his fancy that had called vengeance out of the night and set the hideous shapes of punishment before him . Actual life was chaos , but there was something terribly logical in the imagination . It was the imagination that set remorse to dog the feet of sin . It was the imagination that made each crime bear its misshapen brood . In the common world of fact the wicked were not punished , nor the good rewarded . Success was given to the strong , failure thrust upon the weak . That was all . Besides , had any stranger been prowling round the house , he would have been seen by the servants or the keepers . Had any foot-marks been found on the flower-beds , the gardeners would have reported it . Yes , it had been merely fancy . Sibyl Vane 's brother had not come back to kill him . He had sailed away in his ship to founder in some winter sea . From him , at any rate , he was safe . Why , the man did not know who he was , could not know who he was . The mask of youth had saved him . And yet if it had been merely an illusion , how terrible it was to think that conscience could raise such fearful phantoms , and give them visible form , and make them move before one ! What sort of life would his be if , day and night , shadows of his crime were to peer at him from silent corners , to mock him from secret places , to whisper in his ear as he sat at the feast , to wake him with icy fingers as he lay asleep ! As the thought crept through his brain , he grew pale with terror , and the air seemed to him to have become suddenly colder . Oh ! in what a wild hour of madness he had killed his friend ! How ghastly the mere memory of the scene ! He saw it all again . Each hideous detail came back to him with added horror . Out of the black cave of time , terrible and swathed in scarlet , rose the image of his sin . When Lord Henry came in at six o'clock , he found him crying as one whose heart will break . It was not till the third day that he ventured to go out . There was something in the clear , pine-scented air of that winter morning that seemed to bring him back his joyousness and his ardour for life . But it was not merely the physical conditions of environment that had caused the change . His own nature had revolted against the excess of anguish that had sought to maim and mar the perfection of its calm . With subtle and finely wrought temperaments it is always so . Their strong passions must either bruise or bend . They either slay the man , or themselves die . Shallow sorrows and shallow loves live on . The loves and sorrows that are great are destroyed by their own plenitude . Besides , he had convinced himself that he had been the victim of a terror-stricken imagination , and looked back now on his fears with something of pity and not a little of contempt . After breakfast , he walked with the Duchess for an hour in the garden and then drove across the park to join the shooting-party . The crisp frost lay like salt upon the grass . The sky was an inverted cup of blue metal . A thin film of ice bordered the flat , reed-grown lake . At the corner of the pine-wood he caught sight of Sir Geoffrey Clouston , the Duchess 's brother , jerking two spent cartridges out of his gun . He jumped from the cart , and having told the groom to take the mare home , made his way towards his guest through the withered bracken and rough undergrowth . " Have you had good sport , Geoffrey ? " he asked . " Not very good , Dorian . I think most of the birds have gone to the open . I dare say it will be better after lunch , when we get to new ground . " Dorian strolled along by his side . The keen aromatic air , the brown and red lights that glimmered in the wood , the hoarse cries of the beaters ringing out from time to time , and the sharp snaps of the guns that followed , fascinated him and filled him with a sense of delightful freedom . He was dominated by the carelessness of happiness , by the high indifference of joy . Suddenly from a lumpy tussock of old grass some twenty yards in front of them , with black-tipped ears erect and long hinder limbs throwing it forward , started a hare . It bolted for a thicket of alders . Sir Geoffrey put his gun to his shoulder , but there was something in the animal 's grace of movement that strangely charmed Dorian Gray , and he cried out at once , " Do n't shoot it , Geoffrey . Let it live . " " What nonsense , Dorian ! " laughed his companion , and as the hare bounded into the thicket , he fired . There were two cries heard , the cry of a hare in pain , which is dreadful , the cry of a man in agony , which is worse . " Good heavens ! I have hit a beater ! " exclaimed Sir Geoffrey . " What an ass the man was to get in front of the guns ! Stop shooting there ! " he called out at the top of his voice . " A man is hurt . " The head-keeper came running up with a stick in his hand . " Where , sir ? Where is he ? " he shouted . At the same time , the firing ceased along the line . " Here , " answered Sir Geoffrey angrily , hurrying towards the thicket . " Why on earth do n't you keep your men back ? Spoiled my shooting for the day . " Dorian watched them as they plunged into the alder-clump , brushing the lithe swinging branches aside . In a few moments they emerged , dragging a body after them into the sunlight . He turned away in horror . It seemed to him that misfortune followed wherever he went . He heard Sir Geoffrey ask if the man was really dead , and the affirmative answer of the keeper . The wood seemed to him to have become suddenly alive with faces . There was the trampling of myriad feet and the low buzz of voices . A great copper-breasted pheasant came beating through the boughs overhead . After a few moments – that were to him , in his perturbed state , like endless hours of pain – he felt a hand laid on his shoulder . He started and looked round . " Dorian , " said Lord Henry , " I had better tell them that the shooting is stopped for to-day . It would not look well to go on . " " I wish it were stopped for ever , Harry , " he answered bitterly . " The whole thing is hideous and cruel . Is the man ... ? " He could not finish the sentence . " I am afraid so , " rejoined Lord Henry . " He got the whole charge of shot in his chest . He must have died almost instantaneously . Come ; let us go home . " They walked side by side in the direction of the avenue for nearly fifty yards without speaking . Then Dorian looked at Lord Henry and said , with a heavy sigh , " It is a bad omen , Harry , a very bad omen . " " What is ? " asked Lord Henry . " Oh ! this accident , I suppose . My dear fellow , it ca n't be helped . It was the man 's own fault . Why did he get in front of the guns ? Besides , it is nothing to us . It is rather awkward for Geoffrey , of course . It does not do to pepper beaters . It makes people think that one is a wild shot . And Geoffrey is not ; he shoots very straight . But there is no use talking about the matter . " Dorian shook his head . " It is a bad omen , Harry . I feel as if something horrible were going to happen to some of us . To myself , perhaps , " he added , passing his hand over his eyes , with a gesture of pain . The elder man laughed . " The only horrible thing in the world is ennui , Dorian . That is the one sin for which there is no forgiveness . But we are not likely to suffer from it unless these fellows keep chattering about this thing at dinner . I must tell them that the subject is to be tabooed . As for omens , there is no such thing as an omen . Destiny does not send us heralds . She is too wise or too cruel for that . Besides , what on earth could happen to you , Dorian ? You have everything in the world that a man can want . There is no one who would not be delighted to change places with you . " " There is no one with whom I would not change places , Harry . Do n't laugh like that . I am telling you the truth . The wretched peasant who has just died is better off than I am . I have no terror of death . It is the coming of death that terrifies me . Its monstrous wings seem to wheel in the leaden air around me . Good heavens ! do n't you see a man moving behind the trees there , watching me , waiting for me ? " Lord Henry looked in the direction in which the trembling gloved hand was pointing . " Yes , " he said , smiling , " I see the gardener waiting for you . I suppose he wants to ask you what flowers you wish to have on the table to-night . How absurdly nervous you are , my dear fellow ! You must come and see my doctor , when we get back to town . " Dorian heaved a sigh of relief as he saw the gardener approaching . The man touched his hat , glanced for a moment at Lord Henry in a hesitating manner , and then produced a letter , which he handed to his master . " Her Grace told me to wait for an answer , " he murmured . Dorian put the letter into his pocket . " Tell her Grace that I am coming in , " he said , coldly . The man turned round and went rapidly in the direction of the house . " How fond women are of doing dangerous things ! " laughed Lord Henry . " It is one of the qualities in them that I admire most . A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on . " " How fond you are of saying dangerous things , Harry ! In the present instance , you are quite astray . I like the Duchess very much , but I do n't love her . " " And the Duchess loves you very much , but she likes you less , so you are excellently matched . " " You are talking scandal , Harry , and there is never any basis for scandal . " " The basis of every scandal is an immoral certainty , " said Lord Henry , lighting a cigarette . " You would sacrifice anybody , Harry , for the sake of an epigram . " " The world goes to the altar of its own accord , " was the answer . " I wish I could love , " cried Dorian Gray with a deep note of pathos in his voice . " But I seem to have lost the passion and forgotten the desire . I am too much concentrated on myself . My own personality has become a burden to me . I want to escape , to go away , to forget . It was silly of me to come down here at all . I think I shall send a wire to Harvey to have the yacht got ready . On a yacht one is safe . " " Safe from what , Dorian ? You are in some trouble . Why not tell me what it is ? You know I would help you . " " I ca n't tell you , Harry , " he answered sadly . " And I dare say it is only a fancy of mine . This unfortunate accident has upset me . I have a horrible presentiment that something of the kind may happen to me . " " What nonsense ! " " I hope it is , but I ca n't help feeling it . Ah ! here is the Duchess , looking like Artemis in a tailor-made gown . You see we have come back , Duchess . " " I have heard all about it , Mr. Gray , " she answered . " Poor Geoffrey is terribly upset . And it seems that you asked him not to shoot the hare . How curious ! " " Yes , it was very curious . I do n't know what made me say it . Some whim , I suppose . It looked the loveliest of little live things . But I am sorry they told you about the man . It is a hideous subject . " " It is an annoying subject , " broke in Lord Henry . " It has no psychological value at all . Now if Geoffrey had done the thing on purpose , how interesting he would be ! I should like to know some one who had committed a real murder . " " How horrid of you , Harry ! " cried the Duchess . " Is n't it , Mr. Gray ? Harry , Mr. Gray is ill again . He is going to faint . " Dorian drew himself up with an effort and smiled . " It is nothing , Duchess , " he murmured ; " my nerves are dreadfully out of order . That is all . I am afraid I walked too far this morning . I did n't hear what Harry said . Was it very bad ? You must tell me some other time . I think I must go and lie down . You will excuse me , wo n't you ? " They had reached the great flight of steps that led from the conservatory on to the terrace . As the glass door closed behind Dorian , Lord Henry turned and looked at the Duchess with his slumberous eyes . " Are you very much in love with him ? " he asked . She did not answer for some time , but stood gazing at the landscape . " I wish I knew , " she said at last . He shook his head . " Knowledge would be fatal . It is the uncertainty that charms one . A mist makes things wonderful . " " One may lose one 's way . " " All ways end at the same point , my dear Gladys . " " What is that ? " " Disillusion . " " It was my début in life , " she sighed . " It came to you crowned . " " I am tired of strawberry leaves . " " They become you . " " Only in public . " " You would miss them , " said Lord Henry . " I will not part with a petal . " " Monmouth has ears . " " Old age is dull of hearing . " " Has he never been jealous ? " " I wish he had been . " He glanced about as if in search of something . " What are you looking for ? " she inquired . " The button from your foil , " he answered . " You have dropped it . " She laughed . " I have still the mask . " " It makes your eyes lovelier , " was his reply . She laughed again . Her teeth showed like white seeds in a scarlet fruit . Upstairs , in his own room , Dorian Gray was lying on a sofa , with terror in every tingling fibre of his body . Life had suddenly become too hideous a burden for him to bear . The dreadful death of the unlucky beater , shot in the thicket like a wild animal , had seemed to him to pre-figure death for himself also . He had nearly swooned at what Lord Henry had said in a chance mood of cynical jesting . At five o'clock he rang his bell for his servant and gave him orders to pack his things for the night-express to town , and to have the brougham at the door by eight-thirty . He was determined not to sleep another night at Selby Royal . It was an ill-omened place . Death walked there in the sunlight . The grass of the forest had been spotted with blood . Then he wrote a note to Lord Henry , telling him that he was going up to town to consult his doctor and asking him to entertain his guests in his absence . As he was putting it into the envelope , a knock came to the door , and his valet informed him that the head-keeper wished to see him . He frowned and bit his lip . " Send him in , " he muttered , after some moments ' hesitation . As soon as the man entered , Dorian pulled his chequebook out of a drawer and spread it out before him . " I suppose you have come about the unfortunate accident of this morning , Thornton ? " he said , taking up a pen . " Yes , sir , " answered the gamekeeper . " Was the poor fellow married ? Had he any people dependent on him ? " asked Dorian , looking bored . " If so , I should not like them to be left in want , and will send them any sum of money you may think necessary . " " We do n't know who he is , sir . That is what I took the liberty of coming to you about . " " Do n't know who he is ? " said Dorian , listlessly . " What do you mean ? Was n't he one of your men ? " " No , sir . Never saw him before . Seems like a sailor , sir . " The pen dropped from Dorian Gray 's hand , and he felt as if his heart had suddenly stopped beating . " A sailor ? " he cried out . " Did you say a sailor ? " " Yes , sir . He looks as if he had been a sort of sailor ; tattooed on both arms , and that kind of thing . " " Was there anything found on him ? " said Dorian , leaning forward and looking at the man with startled eyes . " Anything that would tell his name ? " " Some money , sir – not much , and a six-shooter . There was no name of any kind . A decent-looking man , sir , but rough-like . A sort of sailor we think . " Dorian started to his feet . A terrible hope fluttered past him . He clutched at it madly . " Where is the body ? " he exclaimed . " Quick ! I must see it at once . " " It is in an empty stable in the Home Farm , sir . The folk do n't like to have that sort of thing in their houses . They say a corpse brings bad luck . " " The Home Farm ! Go there at once and meet me . Tell one of the grooms to bring my horse round . No. Never mind . I 'll go to the stables myself . It will save time . " In less than a quarter of an hour , Dorian Gray was galloping down the long avenue as hard as he could go . The trees seemed to sweep past him in spectral procession , and wild shadows to fling themselves across his path . Once the mare swerved at a white gate-post and nearly threw him . He lashed her across the neck with his crop . She cleft the dusky air like an arrow . The stones flew from her hoofs . At last he reached the Home Farm . Two men were loitering in the yard . He leaped from the saddle and threw the reins to one of them . In the farthest stable a light was glimmering . Something seemed to tell him that the body was there , and he hurried to the door and put his hand upon the latch . There he paused for a moment , feeling that he was on the brink of a discovery that would either make or mar his life . Then he thrust the door open and entered . On a heap of sacking in the far corner was lying the dead body of a man dressed in a coarse shirt and a pair of blue trousers . A spotted handkerchief had been placed over the face . A coarse candle , stuck in a bottle , sputtered beside it . Dorian Gray shuddered . He felt that his could not be the hand to take the handkerchief away , and called out to one of the farm-servants to come to him . " Take that thing off the face . I wish to see it , " he said , clutching at the door-post for support . When the farm-servant had done so , he stepped forward . A cry of joy broke from his lips . The man who had been shot in the thicket was James Vane . He stood there for some minutes looking at the dead body . As he rode home , his eyes were full of tears , for he knew he was safe . |