
﻿ CHAPTER XXXIII When Mr. St. John went , it was beginning to snow ; the whirling storm continued all night . The next day a keen wind brought fresh and blinding falls ; by twilight the valley was drifted up and almost impassable . I had closed my shutter , laid a mat to the door to prevent the snow from blowing in under it , trimmed my fire , and after sitting nearly an hour on the hearth listening to the muffled fury of the tempest , I lit a candle , took down " Marmion , " and beginning-- " Day set on Norham 's castled steep , And Tweed 's fair river broad and deep , And Cheviot 's mountains lone ; The massive towers , the donjon keep , The flanking walls that round them sweep , In yellow lustre shone"-- I soon forgot storm in music . I heard a noise : the wind , I thought , shook the door . No ; it was St. John Rivers , who , lifting the latch , came in out of the frozen hurricane--the howling darkness--and stood before me : the cloak that covered his tall figure all white as a glacier . I was almost in consternation , so little had I expected any guest from the blocked-up vale that night . " Any ill news ? " I demanded . " Has anything happened ? " " No. How very easily alarmed you are ! " he answered , removing his cloak and hanging it up against the door , towards which he again coolly pushed the mat which his entrance had deranged . He stamped the snow from his boots . " I shall sully the purity of your floor , " said he , " but you must excuse me for once . " Then he approached the fire . " I have had hard work to get here , I assure you , " he observed , as he warmed his hands over the flame . " One drift took me up to the waist ; happily the snow is quite soft yet . " " But why are you come ? " I could not forbear saying . " Rather an inhospitable question to put to a visitor ; but since you ask it , I answer simply to have a little talk with you ; I got tired of my mute books and empty rooms . Besides , since yesterday I have experienced the excitement of a person to whom a tale has been half-told , and who is impatient to hear the sequel . " He sat down . I recalled his singular conduct of yesterday , and really I began to fear his wits were touched . If he were insane , however , his was a very cool and collected insanity : I had never seen that handsome-featured face of his look more like chiselled marble than it did just now , as he put aside his snow-wet hair from his forehead and let the firelight shine free on his pale brow and cheek as pale , where it grieved me to discover the hollow trace of care or sorrow now so plainly graved . I waited , expecting he would say something I could at least comprehend ; but his hand was now at his chin , his finger on his lip : he was thinking . It struck me that his hand looked wasted like his face . A perhaps uncalled-for gush of pity came over my heart : I was moved to say-- " I wish Diana or Mary would come and live with you : it is too bad that you should be quite alone ; and you are recklessly rash about your own health . " " Not at all , " said he : " I care for myself when necessary . I am well now . What do you see amiss in me ? " This was said with a careless , abstracted indifference , which showed that my solicitude was , at least in his opinion , wholly superfluous . I was silenced . He still slowly moved his finger over his upper lip , and still his eye dwelt dreamily on the glowing grate ; thinking it urgent to say something , I asked him presently if he felt any cold draught from the door , which was behind him . " No , no ! " he responded shortly and somewhat testily . " Well , " I reflected , " if you wo n't talk , you may be still ; I 'll let you alone now , and return to my book . " So I snuffed the candle and resumed the perusal of " Marmion . " He soon stirred ; my eye was instantly drawn to his movements ; he only took out a morocco pocket-book , thence produced a letter , which he read in silence , folded it , put it back , relapsed into meditation . It was vain to try to read with such an inscrutable fixture before me ; nor could I , in impatience , consent to be dumb ; he might rebuff me if he liked , but talk I would . " Have you heard from Diana and Mary lately ? " " Not since the letter I showed you a week ago . " " There has not been any change made about your own arrangements ? You will not be summoned to leave England sooner than you expected ? " " I fear not , indeed : such chance is too good to befall me . " Baffled so far , I changed my ground . I bethought myself to talk about the school and my scholars . " Mary Garrett 's mother is better , and Mary came back to the school this morning , and I shall have four new girls next week from the Foundry Close--they would have come to-day but for the snow . " " Indeed ! " " Mr. Oliver pays for two . " " Does he ? " " He means to give the whole school a treat at Christmas . " " I know . " " Was it your suggestion ? " " No. " " Whose , then ? " " His daughter 's , I think . " " It is like her : she is so good-natured . " " Yes . " Again came the blank of a pause : the clock struck eight strokes . It aroused him ; he uncrossed his legs , sat erect , turned to me . " Leave your book a moment , and come a little nearer the fire , " he said . Wondering , and of my wonder finding no end , I complied . " Half-an-hour ago , " he pursued , " I spoke of my impatience to hear the sequel of a tale : on reflection , I find the matter will be better managed by my assuming the narrator 's part , and converting you into a listener . Before commencing , it is but fair to warn you that the story will sound somewhat hackneyed in your ears ; but stale details often regain a degree of freshness when they pass through new lips . For the rest , whether trite or novel , it is short . " Twenty years ago , a poor curate--never mind his name at this moment--fell in love with a rich man 's daughter ; she fell in love with him , and married him , against the advice of all her friends , who consequently disowned her immediately after the wedding . Before two years passed , the rash pair were both dead , and laid quietly side by side under one slab . ( I have seen their grave ; it formed part of the pavement of a huge churchyard surrounding the grim , soot-black old cathedral of an overgrown manufacturing town in ---shire . ) They left a daughter , which , at its very birth , Charity received in her lap--cold as that of the snow-drift I almost stuck fast in to-night . Charity carried the friendless thing to the house of its rich maternal relations ; it was reared by an aunt-in- law , called ( I come to names now ) Mrs. Reed of Gateshead . You start--did you hear a noise ? I daresay it is only a rat scrambling along the rafters of the adjoining schoolroom : it was a barn before I had it repaired and altered , and barns are generally haunted by rats . --To proceed . Mrs. Reed kept the orphan ten years : whether it was happy or not with her , I cannot say , never having been told ; but at the end of that time she transferred it to a place you know--being no other than Lowood School , where you so long resided yourself . It seems her career there was very honourable : from a pupil , she became a teacher , like yourself--really it strikes me there are parallel points in her history and yours--she left it to be a governess : there , again , your fates were analogous ; she undertook the education of the ward of a certain Mr. Rochester . " " Mr. Rivers ! " I interrupted . " I can guess your feelings , " he said , " but restrain them for a while : I have nearly finished ; hear me to the end . Of Mr. Rochester 's character I know nothing , but the one fact that he professed to offer honourable marriage to this young girl , and that at the very altar she discovered he had a wife yet alive , though a lunatic . What his subsequent conduct and proposals were is a matter of pure conjecture ; but when an event transpired which rendered inquiry after the governess necessary , it was discovered she was gone--no one could tell when , where , or how . She had left Thornfield Hall in the night ; every research after her course had been vain : the country had been scoured far and wide ; no vestige of information could be gathered respecting her . Yet that she should be found is become a matter of serious urgency : advertisements have been put in all the papers ; I myself have received a letter from one Mr. Briggs , a solicitor , communicating the details I have just imparted . Is it not an odd tale ? " " Just tell me this , " said I , " and since you know so much , you surely can tell it me--what of Mr. Rochester ? How and where is he ? What is he doing ? Is he well ? " " I am ignorant of all concerning Mr. Rochester : the letter never mentions him but to narrate the fraudulent and illegal attempt I have adverted to . You should rather ask the name of the governess--the nature of the event which requires her appearance . " " Did no one go to Thornfield Hall , then ? Did no one see Mr. Rochester ? " " I suppose not . " " But they wrote to him ? " " Of course . " " And what did he say ? Who has his letters ? " " Mr. Briggs intimates that the answer to his application was not from Mr. Rochester , but from a lady : it is signed 'Alice Fairfax . ' " I felt cold and dismayed : my worst fears then were probably true : he had in all probability left England and rushed in reckless desperation to some former haunt on the Continent . And what opiate for his severe sufferings--what object for his strong passions--had he sought there ? I dared not answer the question . Oh , my poor master--once almost my husband--whom I had often called " my dear Edward ! " " He must have been a bad man , " observed Mr. Rivers . " You do n't know him--do n't pronounce an opinion upon him , " I said , with warmth . " Very well , " he answered quietly : " and indeed my head is otherwise occupied than with him : I have my tale to finish . Since you wo n't ask the governess 's name , I must tell it of my own accord . Stay ! I have it here--it is always more satisfactory to see important points written down , fairly committed to black and white . " And the pocket-book was again deliberately produced , opened , sought through ; from one of its compartments was extracted a shabby slip of paper , hastily torn off : I recognised in its texture and its stains of ultra-marine , and lake , and vermillion , the ravished margin of the portrait-cover . He got up , held it close to my eyes : and I read , traced in Indian ink , in my own handwriting , the words " JANE EYRE"--the work doubtless of some moment of abstraction . " Briggs wrote to me of a Jane Eyre : " he said , " the advertisements demanded a Jane Eyre : I knew a Jane Elliott . --I confess I had my suspicions , but it was only yesterday afternoon they were at once resolved into certainty . You own the name and renounce the _alias_ ? " " Yes--yes ; but where is Mr. Briggs ? He perhaps knows more of Mr. Rochester than you do . " " Briggs is in London . I should doubt his knowing anything at all about Mr. Rochester ; it is not in Mr. Rochester he is interested . Meantime , you forget essential points in pursuing trifles : you do not inquire why Mr. Briggs sought after you--what he wanted with you . " " Well , what did he want ? " " Merely to tell you that your uncle , Mr. Eyre of Madeira , is dead ; that he has left you all his property , and that you are now rich--merely that--nothing more . " " I ! --rich ? " " Yes , you , rich--quite an heiress . " Silence succeeded . " You must prove your identity of course , " resumed St. John presently : " a step which will offer no difficulties ; you can then enter on immediate possession . Your fortune is vested in the English funds ; Briggs has the will and the necessary documents . " Here was a new card turned up ! It is a fine thing , reader , to be lifted in a moment from indigence to wealth--a very fine thing ; but not a matter one can comprehend , or consequently enjoy , all at once . And then there are other chances in life far more thrilling and rapture-giving : _this_ is solid , an affair of the actual world , nothing ideal about it : all its associations are solid and sober , and its manifestations are the same . One does not jump , and spring , and shout hurrah ! at hearing one has got a fortune ; one begins to consider responsibilities , and to ponder business ; on a base of steady satisfaction rise certain grave cares , and we contain ourselves , and brood over our bliss with a solemn brow . Besides , the words Legacy , Bequest , go side by side with the words , Death , Funeral . My uncle I had heard was dead--my only relative ; ever since being made aware of his existence , I had cherished the hope of one day seeing him : now , I never should . And then this money came only to me : not to me and a rejoicing family , but to my isolated self . It was a grand boon doubtless ; and independence would be glorious--yes , I felt that--that thought swelled my heart . " You unbend your forehead at last , " said Mr. Rivers . " I thought Medusa had looked at you , and that you were turning to stone . Perhaps now you will ask how much you are worth ? " " How much am I worth ? " " Oh , a trifle ! Nothing of course to speak of--twenty thousand pounds , I think they say--but what is that ? " " Twenty thousand pounds ? " Here was a new stunner--I had been calculating on four or five thousand . This news actually took my breath for a moment : Mr. St. John , whom I had never heard laugh before , laughed now . " Well , " said he , " if you had committed a murder , and I had told you your crime was discovered , you could scarcely look more aghast . " " It is a large sum--do n't you think there is a mistake ? " " No mistake at all . " " Perhaps you have read the figures wrong--it may be two thousand ! " " It is written in letters , not figures , --twenty thousand . " I again felt rather like an individual of but average gastronomical powers sitting down to feast alone at a table spread with provisions for a hundred . Mr. Rivers rose now and put his cloak on . " If it were not such a very wild night , " he said , " I would send Hannah down to keep you company : you look too desperately miserable to be left alone . But Hannah , poor woman ! could not stride the drifts so well as I : her legs are not quite so long : so I must e'en leave you to your sorrows . Good-night . " He was lifting the latch : a sudden thought occurred to me . " Stop one minute ! " I cried . " Well ? " " It puzzles me to know why Mr. Briggs wrote to you about me ; or how he knew you , or could fancy that you , living in such an out-of-the-way place , had the power to aid in my discovery . " " Oh ! I am a clergyman , " he said ; " and the clergy are often appealed to about odd matters . " Again the latch rattled . " No ; that does not satisfy me ! " I exclaimed : and indeed there was something in the hasty and unexplanatory reply which , instead of allaying , piqued my curiosity more than ever . " It is a very strange piece of business , " I added ; " I must know more about it . " " Another time . " " No ; to-night ! --to-night ! " and as he turned from the door , I placed myself between it and him . He looked rather embarrassed . " You certainly shall not go till you have told me all , " I said . " I would rather not just now . " " You shall ! --you must ! " " I would rather Diana or Mary informed you . " Of course these objections wrought my eagerness to a climax : gratified it must be , and that without delay ; and I told him so . " But I apprised you that I was a hard man , " said he , " difficult to persuade . " " And I am a hard woman , -- impossible to put off . " " And then , " he pursued , " I am cold : no fervour infects me . " " Whereas I am hot , and fire dissolves ice . The blaze there has thawed all the snow from your cloak ; by the same token , it has streamed on to my floor , and made it like a trampled street . As you hope ever to be forgiven , Mr. Rivers , the high crime and misdemeanour of spoiling a sanded kitchen , tell me what I wish to know . " " Well , then , " he said , " I yield ; if not to your earnestness , to your perseverance : as stone is worn by continual dropping . Besides , you must know some day , --as well now as later . Your name is Jane Eyre ? " " Of course : that was all settled before . " " You are not , perhaps , aware that I am your namesake ? --that I was christened St. John Eyre Rivers ? " " No , indeed ! I remember now seeing the letter E. comprised in your initials written in books you have at different times lent me ; but I never asked for what name it stood . But what then ? Surely-- " I stopped : I could not trust myself to entertain , much less to express , the thought that rushed upon me--that embodied itself , --that , in a second , stood out a strong , solid probability . Circumstances knit themselves , fitted themselves , shot into order : the chain that had been lying hitherto a formless lump of links was drawn out straight , --every ring was perfect , the connection complete . I knew , by instinct , how the matter stood , before St. John had said another word ; but I cannot expect the reader to have the same intuitive perception , so I must repeat his explanation . " My mother 's name was Eyre ; she had two brothers ; one a clergyman , who married Miss Jane Reed , of Gateshead ; the other , John Eyre , Esq . , merchant , late of Funchal , Madeira . Mr. Briggs , being Mr. Eyre 's solicitor , wrote to us last August to inform us of our uncle 's death , and to say that he had left his property to his brother the clergyman 's orphan daughter , overlooking us , in consequence of a quarrel , never forgiven , between him and my father . He wrote again a few weeks since , to intimate that the heiress was lost , and asking if we knew anything of her . A name casually written on a slip of paper has enabled me to find her out . You know the rest . " Again he was going , but I set my back against the door . " Do let me speak , " I said ; " let me have one moment to draw breath and reflect . " I paused--he stood before me , hat in hand , looking composed enough . I resumed-- " Your mother was my father 's sister ? " " Yes . " " My aunt , consequently ? " He bowed . " My uncle John was your uncle John ? You , Diana , and Mary are his sister 's children , as I am his brother 's child ? " " Undeniably . " " You three , then , are my cousins ; half our blood on each side flows from the same source ? " " We are cousins ; yes . " I surveyed him . It seemed I had found a brother : one I could be proud of , --one I could love ; and two sisters , whose qualities were such , that , when I knew them but as mere strangers , they had inspired me with genuine affection and admiration . The two girls , on whom , kneeling down on the wet ground , and looking through the low , latticed window of Moor House kitchen , I had gazed with so bitter a mixture of interest and despair , were my near kinswomen ; and the young and stately gentleman who had found me almost dying at his threshold was my blood relation . Glorious discovery to a lonely wretch ! This was wealth indeed ! --wealth to the heart ! --a mine of pure , genial affections . This was a blessing , bright , vivid , and exhilarating ; --not like the ponderous gift of gold : rich and welcome enough in its way , but sobering from its weight . I now clapped my hands in sudden joy--my pulse bounded , my veins thrilled . " Oh , I am glad ! --I am glad ! " I exclaimed . St. John smiled . " Did I not say you neglected essential points to pursue trifles ? " he asked . " You were serious when I told you you had got a fortune ; and now , for a matter of no moment , you are excited . " " What can you mean ? It may be of no moment to you ; you have sisters and do n't care for a cousin ; but I had nobody ; and now three relations , --or two , if you do n't choose to be counted , --are born into my world full-grown . I say again , I am glad ! " I walked fast through the room : I stopped , half suffocated with the thoughts that rose faster than I could receive , comprehend , settle them : --thoughts of what might , could , would , and should be , and that ere long . I looked at the blank wall : it seemed a sky thick with ascending stars , --every one lit me to a purpose or delight . Those who had saved my life , whom , till this hour , I had loved barrenly , I could now benefit . They were under a yoke , --I could free them : they were scattered , --I could reunite them : the independence , the affluence which was mine , might be theirs too . Were we not four ? Twenty thousand pounds shared equally would be five thousand each , justice--enough and to spare : justice would be done , --mutual happiness secured . Now the wealth did not weigh on me : now it was not a mere bequest of coin , --it was a legacy of life , hope , enjoyment . How I looked while these ideas were taking my spirit by storm , I cannot tell ; but I perceived soon that Mr. Rivers had placed a chair behind me , and was gently attempting to make me sit down on it . He also advised me to be composed ; I scorned the insinuation of helplessness and distraction , shook off his hand , and began to walk about again . " Write to Diana and Mary to-morrow , " I said , " and tell them to come home directly . Diana said they would both consider themselves rich with a thousand pounds , so with five thousand they will do very well . " " Tell me where I can get you a glass of water , " said St. John ; " you must really make an effort to tranquillise your feelings . " " Nonsense ! and what sort of an effect will the bequest have on you ? Will it keep you in England , induce you to marry Miss Oliver , and settle down like an ordinary mortal ? " " You wander : your head becomes confused . I have been too abrupt in communicating the news ; it has excited you beyond your strength . " " Mr. Rivers ! you quite put me out of patience : I am rational enough ; it is you who misunderstand , or rather who affect to misunderstand . " " Perhaps , if you explained yourself a little more fully , I should comprehend better . " " Explain ! What is there to explain ? You cannot fail to see that twenty thousand pounds , the sum in question , divided equally between the nephew and three nieces of our uncle , will give five thousand to each ? What I want is , that you should write to your sisters and tell them of the fortune that has accrued to them . " " To you , you mean . " " I have intimated my view of the case : I am incapable of taking any other . I am not brutally selfish , blindly unjust , or fiendishly ungrateful . Besides , I am resolved I will have a home and connections . I like Moor House , and I will live at Moor House ; I like Diana and Mary , and I will attach myself for life to Diana and Mary . It would please and benefit me to have five thousand pounds ; it would torment and oppress me to have twenty thousand ; which , moreover , could never be mine in justice , though it might in law . I abandon to you , then , what is absolutely superfluous to me . Let there be no opposition , and no discussion about it ; let us agree amongst each other , and decide the point at once . " " This is acting on first impulses ; you must take days to consider such a matter , ere your word can be regarded as valid . " " Oh ! if all you doubt is my sincerity , I am easy : you see the justice of the case ? " " I _do_ see a certain justice ; but it is contrary to all custom . Besides , the entire fortune is your right : my uncle gained it by his own efforts ; he was free to leave it to whom he would : he left it to you . After all , justice permits you to keep it : you may , with a clear conscience , consider it absolutely your own . " " With me , " said I , " it is fully as much a matter of feeling as of conscience : I must indulge my feelings ; I so seldom have had an opportunity of doing so . Were you to argue , object , and annoy me for a year , I could not forego the delicious pleasure of which I have caught a glimpse--that of repaying , in part , a mighty obligation , and winning to myself lifelong friends . " " You think so now , " rejoined St. John , " because you do not know what it is to possess , nor consequently to enjoy wealth : you cannot form a notion of the importance twenty thousand pounds would give you ; of the place it would enable you to take in society ; of the prospects it would open to you : you cannot-- " " And you , " I interrupted , " cannot at all imagine the craving I have for fraternal and sisterly love . I never had a home , I never had brothers or sisters ; I must and will have them now : you are not reluctant to admit me and own me , are you ? " " Jane , I will be your brother--my sisters will be your sisters--without stipulating for this sacrifice of your just rights . " " Brother ? Yes ; at the distance of a thousand leagues ! Sisters ? Yes ; slaving amongst strangers ! I , wealthy--gorged with gold I never earned and do not merit ! You , penniless ! Famous equality and fraternisation ! Close union ! Intimate attachment ! " " But , Jane , your aspirations after family ties and domestic happiness may be realised otherwise than by the means you contemplate : you may marry . " " Nonsense , again ! Marry ! I do n't want to marry , and never shall marry . " " That is saying too much : such hazardous affirmations are a proof of the excitement under which you labour . " " It is not saying too much : I know what I feel , and how averse are my inclinations to the bare thought of marriage . No one would take me for love ; and I will not be regarded in the light of a mere money speculation . And I do not want a stranger--unsympathising , alien , different from me ; I want my kindred : those with whom I have full fellow- feeling . Say again you will be my brother : when you uttered the words I was satisfied , happy ; repeat them , if you can , repeat them sincerely . " " I think I can . I know I have always loved my own sisters ; and I know on what my affection for them is grounded , --respect for their worth and admiration of their talents . You too have principle and mind : your tastes and habits resemble Diana 's and Mary 's ; your presence is always agreeable to me ; in your conversation I have already for some time found a salutary solace . I feel I can easily and naturally make room in my heart for you , as my third and youngest sister . " " Thank you : that contents me for to-night . Now you had better go ; for if you stay longer , you will perhaps irritate me afresh by some mistrustful scruple . " " And the school , Miss Eyre ? It must now be shut up , I suppose ? " " No. I will retain my post of mistress till you get a substitute . " He smiled approbation : we shook hands , and he took leave . I need not narrate in detail the further struggles I had , and arguments I used , to get matters regarding the legacy settled as I wished . My task was a very hard one ; but , as I was absolutely resolved--as my cousins saw at length that my mind was really and immutably fixed on making a just division of the property--as they must in their own hearts have felt the equity of the intention ; and must , besides , have been innately conscious that in my place they would have done precisely what I wished to do--they yielded at length so far as to consent to put the affair to arbitration . The judges chosen were Mr. Oliver and an able lawyer : both coincided in my opinion : I carried my point . The instruments of transfer were drawn out : St. John , Diana , Mary , and I , each became possessed of a competency .